Emptiness
by ATmac05
Summary: Saseko feels that emptiness inside with every man that violates her, will Lil Slugger free her?


**A/N: Hey, I was just in the mood to right a fic so I decided to right another Paranoia Agent one. They're really fun since I can sort of be random and off the wall with them (as you can see from my previous fic Knives) and I can use them to portray human emotion much more directly. Okay, hope you enjoy this fic. It may be depressing.**

**Empty**

I feel…so empty inside. It's a horrible empty as well. I would love an empty where I feel hungry. Or an empty where I feel just unfulfilled, or unloved. I want those empties because they can be repaired, or ignored. But this empty…just can't. It's an emptiness of lifelessness. Like I don't matter, like I don't exist, it makes me feel as if I'm a rotting corpse just walking the earth. No—corpses have a purpose compared to me.

"Get out there and get business done." He says to me. I wonder if he ever felt emptiness? I doubt it. His prime specialty seems to be in conjuring that feeling within other people. He conjures that feeling in me, and in my sisters. They walk the streets as well. 'Getting business done.' That's their job, that's my job. And it all seems to stem on emptiness. The emptier we feel in our hearts, the more money we make. Can he feel emptiness? I hope that he can. It would be so terribly ironic if he was incapable of feeling the emotion that he so vehemently stirs within others.

But, can he really be the only one to blame? What about the men…? They ignore our emptiness in pursuit of what makes them feel fulfilled. Our bodies give them something to thrive on, something to live for, something that justifies their existence. Their emptiness. Though, should the cost for one's justification be the dehumanization of another empty being. Shouldn't two empty souls bond and help each other feel fulfilled? Heh, maybe that's what the men think they are doing. Except they don't realize that we don't feel fulfilled afterwards, nor do they, at least—not for long.

"Get a grip, Saseko." I tell myself as I lean against one of the cold buildings of the city. It's chilly out, and I'm cold. I'm empty, yet I can still feel the pain of frost. Emptiness isn't an immunizing feeling I suppose. It should be. A short man in a trench coat walks by me. He's holding a briefcase. Going to work this late at night only means that he's attached to his job. Is that attachment a sign of emptiness? As the people walk by me, unnoticing the cold woman leaning against wall, I wonder if they share the feeling of emptiness that I share. Would that validate my feelings? If the feeling was mutual among others I mean. Maybe it would validate it, but I wouldn't feel any better.

Then a truck pulls up. It stops out of nowhere, and it's a small truck. It doesn't show any sign of successfulness or prominence, neither does the middle-aged looking man that peers out of the window. He doesn't look at my face, they never do. He looks at my breasts hidden behind the small red tube top and black leather jacket. He looks at my legs nestled in the confines of short shorts. I'm freezing my butt off, but this is what I must wear, and he doesn't seem to care that I'm cold, he doesn't notice my emptiness.

"You what I think you are?" He asks me. His teeth are yellow, disgusting.

"I am…" I respond, another one. He grins and opens up the side door. This man is bent on getting his emptiness fulfilled. I say this because he didn't even bother to check and see if anyone was watching, as most of them do. I get in, and it's warmer, comfortable. I hope whatever he wants it takes a long time, I want this warmth.

"How much you charge?" A broke man nonetheless. Others just tell me what they want. He's consciousness of what he pays.

"What do you want exactly?" I ask, trying to sound seductive. But that feeling in my stomach is rising, that emptiness that makes me want to choke and lay in my own bile and die. That feeling that tells me that all shreds of dignity are about to disappear. And that I'll just be left with my emptiness.

"I want you to suck me…"

"2500 yen." I say, and without another word he pulls out his wallet and sets the money on the dashboard. He doesn't let it go though. "After you get the job done, and make it good."

I have a cut in my mouth. I got it when I accidentally bit the inside of my mouth when sucking on my cheek. It's been bleeding a little, and I'm sure the blood is still there. Hopefully it is, 'cause I am STD positive. I have AIDS, and I'm dying from it, slowly, but surely. And I'm giving it to every empty man who violates me. It is my final retribution to the empty slime balls who don't know how to manage their emptiness. It is my revenge…

When I'm done I get my money and leave. He seems happy, temporarily though. He'll never truly be happy. Sex never leads to happiness. Take it from the girl who experiences it every day of her life. It just leads to more emptiness, more pain…

"Lil Slugger is still on the loose. No one knows exactly who he is or where he comes from, he is a powerful criminal. Many of his victims seems to have no memories of him, and he leaves no traces of where he…"

Lil Slugger? He's the only one that understands. He's the only one who understands the emptiness of people. He always makes the right decisions. The best decisions. He knows the emptiness of people and heals them from that emptiness. From that pain. Will he notice me? I'm empty Lil Slugger, and I can't take it anymore. I want to be away from empty people, I want to be fulfilled, I want to have an existence that means something. Will you free me…………….?

This emptiness feels so much better……..


End file.
